what will be my legacy?

trying to figure out what my legacy could be has been a task that has proven extremely difficult..

im not sure i really want there to be anything left behind once im gone, ive always thought i would be happy in the presence of angels and everyone else would carry on living their lifes, maybe with an odd picture to reminisce over or a song that i was always renowned to sing.

but i guess crying and stressing over something that should be simple, isnt going to help! i started to think about all the things that are positive about me and the aspects of life that i enjoy?!?

if i really stop thinking about it - and feel the fear - my ultimate goal would be 'to make the world a better place'. whether that sounds corny or not. i strive for others to be better off and to feel safe. ive been told i care a lot about people and some people maybe too much but why see that as bad thing?!

im always one for a list so i guess compiling all the things that i want to include and all the 'talents' i have should be a great place to start.
 1. photography
 2. some kind of song that reflects me or my ambition
 3. fair trade aka fair jade
 4. some kind of physical theatre piece
 5. influential people and/or places....
this list will continue im sure but for now i will start at the top and go out with my trusty camera and start snapping

everywhere i go by lissie

being nineteen

initially i dreaded turning another year older...i cant remember the last birthday i actually looked forward to ! ive never been one to want to hurry up and grow up - ive always liked being looked after.

but as i sat outside on my 'happy being born day' drinking my coffee in my pj's...looking up into a sky that looked pretty perfect i realised i felt different. you know when people ask 'oh do you feel different'...and  i never really got what they meant its not like you age a whole year physically over night. But i did i felt relieved !

 i had always thought that nineteen was a nothing age and therefore didnt really mean anything. not like when you turn eighteen and you can go out and drink and become completely responsible for your own actions, but at nineteen you can do just that but without any expectations because when you do turn eigteen everyone EXPECTS that of you. and actually maybe i like spending a Saturday evening in front of my telly with my family and not spending the whole of Sunday with a hang over,feeling like im dying. yeah i like to go out and dance the night away but sometimes i like the things that remind me of being a child and deciding what i want to do.

so yes i like being nineteen....for now at least

well apart from the fact that im poorly and its only my first official day. but i can ignore that if it doesnt last too long.

so you secretly like children and i secretly like animals...(well kittens)

she may have gone to nice family ( i say nice because thats what my friend told me ) i tried to think that way but when i looked into the cage where she once lived and noticed she was gone i dramatically walked out of the room...i was crushed

susan..... who knew i would become attached to something so little and something so pet like.

i never thought i would like an animal. but i guess things change. i can now see myself maybe one day with one...who'd have thought it ay?!

and i agreed to keep her a unknown

so i like kittens almost as much as my friend secretly wants children...?!

i survied my first festival

to be honest i was worried before i went..the camping.the toilets,the lack of sleep, showering and general worry that something of mine might have got stolen.

well before we even left i had lost my fest phone...and i still cant find it - its a  complete mystery. it has DISAPPEARED !!!! so this was a great start, but i wasnt going to let it get me down, i took it a sign that i wasnt meant to be able to contact the outside world or even check the time. AND then when we arrived and had eventually put up the unstable tent i found out that my memory card in my camera was broken so i had 17 pictures that i could take- BRILLIANT. i love photos. ( thank goodness my friends had their own )

im not going to turn around say that i enjoyed the whole experience...but the majority and i will try my best to not think and dwell on the fact that i was separated from my friends for over three hours and had no way of contacting them as the security guards were absolutely useless.

my favourite parts of the festival were the playhouse acts and one hour plays http://tinyurl.com/6zu4x87  and the tea temple - i was sooo relaxed... i didnt have a care in the world !

chilin' in the tea temple

i have also came away liking more artists for example, dog is dead and alpines.

alpines  - lights.

http://www.myspace.com/alpinesmusic

something nice

check these bad boys out!

today i bought a new pair of converse...they are unique as they are labeled slightly wrong, but i love them all the same and dont think i want to change them even though they dont match. > > > > > >

today i also bonded with my sister over cutlery. yes cutlery... you see for dinner i was having roasted veg and whilst they were cooking the cutlery was placed on the side ready for use. anyway dani,one of my sisters, picked them up gave me a look and got into position and said 'lets do the parent trap' ( for those who may not know what that is it is a film and in a section of it the step mum feels paranoid that a bear or some creature is going to get her she stars wacking sticks together to get them away, so yeah we re-created this moment for our own amusment ! anyway she began to move across the room tinging the knife and fork....

and off course i joined in

ive finally conquered a vampire?!

the book i started this time last year...

well i said it wouldnt be long before i blogged again and i come baring good news :)

last night i had an early night i started to continue reading my steven tyler book and then i realised my twilight book was sitting in my abandoned drawer two inches away from where i was sprawled... i dared to open the drawer to see exactly how much i had left remaining to read... to my amazement there were just two chapters.

i looked at my clock and set myself the task of finishing it before i feel asleep... my eyes were sore and itchy but i wanted to accomplish my fear of actually finishing a book... you see i hate things coming to an end and by finishing a book your letting a story end, which is obvious i guess. but i thought about the pros and cons and an hour later the book was closed and finished.

i didnt want to rush it and i guess an hour isnt classed as rushing ...but this is me and i was very tired.


Yay i have ticked one thing off my summer list... well kind of ...

my summer has started and with a ... list

its been a while since i last blogged and its taken me a while to think of something worthwhile to say...

so my summer 2011 has already started and i wanted to take advantage of all the free time i had to enjoy doing the things i dont get enough time to do during the academic year. i thought the best way to find the 'things' was to write a list... i do like lists they give me order and a chance to order them in importance. 



not a kids bike - whoops a daisy im a twerp



so anyway here is the list, that i guess could realistically be longer:

1. buy an adults bike with a basket, and ride it.

2. take tones of GOOD photos

3.keep a note of all the important and arty things that i do, much like a logbook/commonplace book - the time that i dont need to keep one i choose too ! ... well it makes sense to me

4. start new art projects
5. relax and stop worrying ... which is proving difficult
6. go on walks and adventures in the woods
7. picnics ... lots of them, with real lemonade
8. get healthy
9. educate myself with films... already watched about three - which is extremely impressive for me.
10.read books...and actually finish one (at least) ... biography's count right ?! I WILL FINISH TWILIGHT.


outside and picture time with jumper of L



11. listen to more music

12. spend time with more people

13. go to camden

14. go to my first festival
15. learn to play the guitar again
16. write my own song
17. sing ... wont be hard ( but i want to sing country)
18. not fear my birthday...
19.enjoy the sun and make the most of it