to bed you go

Right, so I'm considering starting over my blog. I'm thinking of going in a new direction, trying something new!  I'm not sure why it wouldn't follow on from my previous posts, but its something that Ivie been thinking over.

I want my blog to actually tell the reader something about me! Rather than all this trollop! That splats on the page at night, when I'm too tired and yet too awake to even consider sleeping!

I think it ought to have more of my pictures or videos, Personality. Something that I've created, something I'd call ART!

But i recently nothing that I capture is good enough. Not for anyone else to see! I used to be proud of my pictures, but now I find myself trailing through millions and trillions of images that are to me pretty crap! I want to NO I need to start being better. And being Just Jade.

trying to capture something interesting, whilst out on my travels

I did say that recently my photos have been 'rubbish'

birds in flight - where are they going? and do they actually care where they end up?

So maybe putting this blog to bed is the best option...

sleep deprived

why am i still up at this horrific hour..when i will be getting up to face the next day so very soon!? but how can one sleep, when they cant and they have found themselves developed the habit of then being afraid to sleep.

how can one be afraid of sleep?i ask myself...maybe something like a teddy might make me feel better..but he's in the loft, for punishment! so moving on!
i thought that righting down how im feeling might allow me to understand the fear that i am feeling.. and yes i am feeling it but there is nothing to 'do' to resolve the issue other than to not 'think' which is near impossible. i figure the only reason we have trouble sleeping is the fact our brains dont fully switch off in our sleep, like our hearts, hopefully..fingers crossed!

as i sit here, tucked up in bed, i am wasting precious time 'sleeping' and if i dont get at least eight hours, i will be as grumpy as i was yesterday and trust me no one can handle that! not even me..and no amount of caffeine will be able to fix it! so i guess i better face the facts, act my age and feel the fear and switch off and sleep like a baby with a blankie..or not!

2011 brought me..

so its the last day of 2011 and ive been thinking about what positive things this year has consisted of.. and i thought to recap would be a nice way to account all of the new things i have tried and/or experienced:
1) going to my first festival
2) meeting a lovely young lady who goes by the name of katy
3) managed to keep my driving license..no more points
4) learnt that alcohol isnt all that its cracked up to be..
5) Christmas has taught me, that food really food isnt my thing
6) found a new love for the television series Leverage and the character Parker
7) became obsessed with gold and glitter..maybe im more girly than i thought
8) became more confident and am now starting to like myself cos im actually good at stuff
9) took some lovely photos ( if i do say myself)
10) found out more about who i am!
11) above all these wonderful things, i have become more intelligent because i have never stopped learning and trying new things

i tried to condense everything into 11 to mark the year!

exploring

trying new things

to be beside the seaside

meeting katy and lounge on the farm

daisies

chilling by the playhouse

kylie for the night

and not forgetting susan..

lets hope this year i achieve so much more!

what will be my legacy?

trying to figure out what my legacy could be has been a task that has proven extremely difficult..

im not sure i really want there to be anything left behind once im gone, ive always thought i would be happy in the presence of angels and everyone else would carry on living their lifes, maybe with an odd picture to reminisce over or a song that i was always renowned to sing.

but i guess crying and stressing over something that should be simple, isnt going to help! i started to think about all the things that are positive about me and the aspects of life that i enjoy?!?

if i really stop thinking about it - and feel the fear - my ultimate goal would be 'to make the world a better place'. whether that sounds corny or not. i strive for others to be better off and to feel safe. ive been told i care a lot about people and some people maybe too much but why see that as bad thing?!

im always one for a list so i guess compiling all the things that i want to include and all the 'talents' i have should be a great place to start.
 1. photography
 2. some kind of song that reflects me or my ambition
 3. fair trade aka fair jade
 4. some kind of physical theatre piece
 5. influential people and/or places....
this list will continue im sure but for now i will start at the top and go out with my trusty camera and start snapping

everywhere i go by lissie

being nineteen

initially i dreaded turning another year older...i cant remember the last birthday i actually looked forward to ! ive never been one to want to hurry up and grow up - ive always liked being looked after.

but as i sat outside on my 'happy being born day' drinking my coffee in my pj's...looking up into a sky that looked pretty perfect i realised i felt different. you know when people ask 'oh do you feel different'...and  i never really got what they meant its not like you age a whole year physically over night. But i did i felt relieved !

 i had always thought that nineteen was a nothing age and therefore didnt really mean anything. not like when you turn eighteen and you can go out and drink and become completely responsible for your own actions, but at nineteen you can do just that but without any expectations because when you do turn eigteen everyone EXPECTS that of you. and actually maybe i like spending a Saturday evening in front of my telly with my family and not spending the whole of Sunday with a hang over,feeling like im dying. yeah i like to go out and dance the night away but sometimes i like the things that remind me of being a child and deciding what i want to do.

so yes i like being nineteen....for now at least

well apart from the fact that im poorly and its only my first official day. but i can ignore that if it doesnt last too long.

so you secretly like children and i secretly like animals...(well kittens)

she may have gone to nice family ( i say nice because thats what my friend told me ) i tried to think that way but when i looked into the cage where she once lived and noticed she was gone i dramatically walked out of the room...i was crushed

susan..... who knew i would become attached to something so little and something so pet like.

i never thought i would like an animal. but i guess things change. i can now see myself maybe one day with one...who'd have thought it ay?!

and i agreed to keep her a unknown

so i like kittens almost as much as my friend secretly wants children...?!

i survied my first festival

to be honest i was worried before i went..the camping.the toilets,the lack of sleep, showering and general worry that something of mine might have got stolen.

well before we even left i had lost my fest phone...and i still cant find it - its a  complete mystery. it has DISAPPEARED !!!! so this was a great start, but i wasnt going to let it get me down, i took it a sign that i wasnt meant to be able to contact the outside world or even check the time. AND then when we arrived and had eventually put up the unstable tent i found out that my memory card in my camera was broken so i had 17 pictures that i could take- BRILLIANT. i love photos. ( thank goodness my friends had their own )

im not going to turn around say that i enjoyed the whole experience...but the majority and i will try my best to not think and dwell on the fact that i was separated from my friends for over three hours and had no way of contacting them as the security guards were absolutely useless.

my favourite parts of the festival were the playhouse acts and one hour plays http://tinyurl.com/6zu4x87  and the tea temple - i was sooo relaxed... i didnt have a care in the world !

chilin' in the tea temple

i have also came away liking more artists for example, dog is dead and alpines.

alpines  - lights.

http://www.myspace.com/alpinesmusic